


By the Spirits

by SCH



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: ... sort of, Canon, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 09:51:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15022034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SCH/pseuds/SCH
Summary: To be thrown into this new situation was something this female elf mage Inquisitor wasn't prepared for, but maybe it wouldn't be as bad as she had thought... maybe.





	By the Spirits

**Author's Note:**

> This was my Inquisitor at my latest play-through, and I just had to get these ideas and thoughts down on "paper". It's probably not the best story ever, but it was still fun writing. :D

They were afraid of her or thought her repulsive… well, that’s what she’d thought since the cloak and hood cowering her wasn’t removed even after they started speaking to her. It was hard to follow their accusations and questions as she couldn’t see them, and it wasn’t helping she was still feeling weak and confused from the ordeal earlier. The language barrier between them was also an obstacle, but one she would overcome by listening. She always had been good at languages, and the more they spoke the more she understood. Her ability to understand languages had always been good, and she thanked the spirits for it. 

She knew they spoke about the event before now, about her running and getting help from the beautiful spirit in the fade, but for the life of her she couldn’t remember what. There were only vague images and a bright green light, maybe? The pictures were weak and unclear, as if the trauma had erased the event from her mind completely. It was not impossible that was the case, but it didn’t make her feel any better and the fear lurking in her chest was making it hard to breathe or think.

It didn’t help that there was two intimidating women shouting at her from behind the hood covering her head, and with a shaky voice and even shakier words she tried to answer their questions. None of this made sense, and when they removed the shackles and pulled her from the floor she shied back in fear. They must have understood because they spoke to her with softer voices and helped her outside with gentle hands.

They pulled the hood from her face and directed her gaze up towards the breach. It was a sight nothing could have prepared her for and she was both mesmerized and scared out of her wits. The bright green light and the things she could see in that light frightened her and fascinated her in equal measures. It was almost drawing her into it, singing to something inside of her, but she held back. They didn’t know what or how yet, so she couldn’t lose herself to feelings like she often did. 

The whispers and angry voices all around her brought her back into the moment, and with downcast eyes she hurried to cover her head with the hood again. She wanted to run away, to leave it all behind, but she knew she had to help. This mark on her hand meant something, singing with the same voice as the breach, and she would stay. This didn’t mean she would openly show her face to these humans again though. They were quick to judge and even quicker to speak ill of those different than them. Not that her own people was much different. There was a reason she had left her Dalish clan behind to wander after all. It had been luck she’d run into the Avvar on her travels, a people open to all and more accepting than most if you accepted their culture. A culture she had made her own and hoped she would one day honor with a legend mark. Maybe this mark of the fade would lead her to that?

She refused to expose herself to any more people after that first taste though and kept her appearance hidden. It wasn’t until they came face to face with the breach she moved the hood back to have a proper look. Up close the colors of the breach were even more vibrant, and the song almost overwhelming, and she was amazed by its beauty. It was almost a pity they would have to close it. She understood the threat and the necessity, but damn it… 

Like she predicted, as soon as they closed the breach the colors and sounds dimmed, muted down, and it felt like a loss. That song speaking to her like the spirits at the Avvar hold always did. It was familiar and loved and the world would always be lesser without it. This unexplainable fear most people had when it came to magic… it was something she couldn’t understand. She had always been friends with her powers and they had always felt natural. 

She had no time to think or feel much of anything else though as exhaustion, fear, and energy loss made her lose touch with reality. She didn’t go completely under, because she felt someone lift the hood from her face with a quiet gasp -- great, more mockery and ill will -- but there was nothing else. No words or anything, only strong arms lifting her into their arms. Then darkness, but the song of the fade was still playing its familiar tune in her soul.

***

After waking up, alive and well, she got instructions to meet the advisors by the war table. It would probably end in disaster, or worse, but she decided to brave it. This whole breach/mark/demon thing going on had to be dealt with. Even she, a pariah amongst her own people, could see the importance in this endeavor. There was a reason she had left her adopted Avvar clan behind to spy at the Conclave. Her people and the Avvar had been isolated for too long. It was only right they joined the rest of Thedas in fighting the blights, stop the war on magic, and now the breach. 

As she entered the war room the advisors could see a slim figure all dressed in white enter. She had even covered her face with a thin veil to protect her from any eventuality. It was mostly for her own sake, but she didn’t want to expose them to her either if they didn’t have to. The veil let her see them well enough, and maybe she was a little thankful for it. There were four intimidating people waiting for her, watching her every move, and she took a deep breath to steady herself. She could do this, she had to. 

Cassandra opened the meeting with a strong voice and stronger body language. “Lavellan. May I present Commander Cullen, leader of the Inquisitions forces.” 

The Commander’s body language spoke of nothing but acceptance and curiosity as he looked at her, and with a strong yet calm voice he said, “Such as they are. We lost many soldiers in the valley, and I fear many more before this is through.” There was a directness to his words, and a lot of honesty, but his voice didn’t make her shy back or feel intimidated. Not like Cassandra. This made her curious, and she brushed the veil aside temporarily to have a better look at him. He looked right back at her, still radiating calm and respect for her, and she was truly shocked. 

“This is Lady Josephine Montilyet, our ambassador and chief diplomat.” Cassandra continued, and Lavellan forced her eyes away from the commander to greet the ambassador. Letting the veil fall in front of her face again as she bowed slightly. 

“Andaran atish’an.” Josephine said with nothing but politeness, but Lavellan answered Josephine in the Avvar tongue instead with a soft voice. Hoping someone outside the Avvar hold might speak it but doubting it very much. It would be an improvement, for no other reason than her dislike for the coarseness of the common tongue. 

“Ah, Avvar. I apologize for assuming.” Josephine said with a small bow, but Lavellan wasn’t surprised. How could they know she left her clan for the Avvar. Elves weren’t exactly famous for mixing with other people. She brushed the apology aside with a soft “thank you”. Better be polite than dead.

“And, of course, you know Sister Leliana.” Cassandra sounded like she was talking about their interrogation of her from earlier, but Lavellan chose to ignore the implication. She only bowed her head without comment. It was her answer to most things these days.

“My position here involves a degree of…” Leliana sounded almost too confident and Lavellan took a cautious step back.

“You move in shadows. Many eyes watching.” She answered softly, and they all turned towards her with different degrees of curiosity.

“Quite.” Cullen chuckled softly, and she had to suppress a smile behind her veil. This commander didn’t act like any military man she’d seen, and it was refreshing. Something must have shown in her body language or something, because Cullen grinned quickly and mischievously in her direction.

They continued talking without her, and she used the time to study the people in front of her. They were all very different, but with a similar goal in mind, and she was impressed by their determination. It wasn’t until Cullen took a step closer to her that she was startled out of her musings. The Commander wanted to say something, but was acting awkward and careful about it, but she would wait until he spoke. 

“Lady Lavellan.” Cullen interrupted Cassandra’s monologue and they all turned towards him with different looks. Cassandra looked ticked off, Josephine had yet another polite smile on her lips, and Leliana looked overly curious. She herself only turned her body towards him and nodded. “May I ask you… if it’s all right, of course. I wouldn’t want to force you, and it’s okay if…” He cleared his throat. “May I ask why you cover your face?”

She was floored by the question but took it as genuine curiosity rather than something sinister, and answered with, “It is expected of me since I rejected the gods.”

“I see…” Cullen didn’t look like he understood, and she heard his unwillingness to press for more so she decided to continued.

“I will show you.” She steeled herself for their reaction, and slowly removed the veil from her face and pulled the hood from her head. As she did her long white hair unwound itself and fell over her shoulders and chest, her white skin almost ghostlike in the low lighting, and her eyes an eerie shade of red. The most shocking was not her complexion though, but the scars and markings where her vallaslin should have been. It was a spell gone wrong, and it had left her with terrible wounds. Her clan had seen her scars and her looks like something to be despised and even feared, and she had left with little regret. 

The reactions from Cullen, Cassandra, Leliana and Josephine was not what she’d expected though. 

“I told you Josie, pale white, all over.” Leliana said with a smile, and Josephine nodded.

“Indeed. Most delightful, if uncommon.”

“Why anyone would care, I do not understand.” It was Cassandra, rolling her eyes at the whole thing.

Cullen’s observation was the most surprising. “I thought you dead at first at the Temple. Those pale cheeks almost had me fooled.”

“I…” She didn’t know what to say. Few people accepted her pale complexion and red eyes as anything but a curse or bad luck, and the scars often made people back away, but these people…

“Hush. You look lovely.” Leliana waved her concern away. “I understand your caution. Since your features are rare and misunderstood. Not to speak of your scars. Bringer of bad luck? I think not. Cursed? Such stupid superstitions.”

“Then you…” She didn’t know what to say. No one had accepted her like this in all her life, and she was almost close to tears. Only the Avvar had come close, and they’d actually seen people with her condition before. The scars hadn’t even made them twitch an eyebrow as Avvar regarded scars as an honor to be carried. 

“I do not know why or how, but that hardly matters.” Cassandra said with half a smile. “As long as you help us close the breach I couldn’t care less about your ‘condition’.”

“Thanks.” She said with a soft voice and bowed slightly, her long hair falling all around her like a silken curtain. She had never cut it and never would if she could help it.

“Such nonsense.” A strong whisper coming from Cullen, and Lavellan looked over at him with a frown and more than a little cautiousness. “Oh, not you. Or your words. Or this situation. I mean… why judge someone based on their looks and some superstitions? That’s just, I mean, you look beautiful. Not that I… mean anything by it, or I do. What I mean to say is, you look fine. No, more than fine. Stunning. Maker’s breath.”

“But Commander, you were doing so well.” Leliana teased, and Cullen turned away from them with mumbled words aimed at Leliana. 

Lavellan smiled softly at their antics, hiding her smile behind her hand, and then sent out a silent thank you to whatever spirit brought her to this place. Those Avvar gods always had done their best for her, and she owed them much. Because if these people accepted her, then maybe she wasn’t cursed after all? Maybe she wasn’t going to bring bad luck? The dalish had a reputation of being quick to judge after all, their stupid pride getting in the way, and maybe they had misjudged her? Only time could tell, but she could tell these people were going to change her in a good way. 

***

She was busy praying to her gods, or the Avvar spirits if you’d like to get technical, and didn’t hear someone enter the room she’d claimed as her own. Haven wasn’t a huge settlement, but she was happy to have some space for herself. She was used to being on her own, and these quiet moments with the gods were always a balm to her stressed brain and fried nerves. Ever since she had accepted an Avvar spirit into her she had become much calmer and more level headed, and she and her teacher had had many long conversations about her life and her toils. One of these conversations had led her to completely abandon the elven gods, because if what her spirit companion told her was true then everything she knew about the old elven tales were lies and deceit. She’d rather pray to gods and spirits she could actually see and knew were there, even though the spirits had never rejected the idea of the Maker and his Bride… yet. Curious that. 

“Maker’s breath, what are those?” It was Cullen’s voice, and he pulled her out of her prayers and ponderings with a rude jolt. 

“Commander!?” She gasped and looked over at her gods with narrowed eyes. None of them had warned her of him entering, and she thought she could sense joy and hope coming from most of them. She quietly asked them to leave, but none of them did, and she turned to Cullen with a downcast head. “I was praying.”

“To… spirits?” Cullen looked both fascinated and horrified, and she looked up at him from behind her long silken hair with a small smile.

“I am an Augur’s apprentice. These are our gods.” She explained and motioned for the spirits to come closer, which they happily did. They were a curious bunch most days, and they hated to be kept out of the loop. Cullen looked like he wanted to scream or run away, but he stood his ground and she was impressed.

“Right, an Augur…” He didn’t take his eyes from the spirits and she laughed quietly.

“I take it you are not familiar with the ways of the Avvar. I am a mage, shunned by my elven clan, and taken in by the Avvar. They saved me from madness and possession.” Her voice grew stronger as she talked about her beloved people. “They gave me a second chance at life, saved me from myself, and their Augur saw something in me and made me his apprentice. I am now training to take over his role as the link between the waking world and the dream world.”

Culled nodded his acceptance of the facts and finally managed to tear his eyes away from the spirits. “Why are they here?”

“To guide me. To guide us.” She took his hand and held it out to one of the spirits. Cullen’s first reaction was to shy back, to draw his hand away, but Lavellan calmly held on and urged him with a look to not be afraid. “A god of wisdom and understanding.” The spirit touched Cullen’s hand and the former Templar gasped in shock and quickly backed away.

“How did you know!?” He asked the spirit with a loud voice, but the spirit only smiled and calmly took his hand again. “How can you possibly know this?” The spirit only continued to smile and then faded away out of sight. 

“It gave you something? Some deeper understanding? Maybe even wisdom?” She looked at Cullen with anticipation for his answer but was disappointed when he just turned his back on her and ran from the room. It must have been a private concern then, she thought with regret. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt her new companions. But… the spirits didn’t pull their punches. It was something Cullen had needed to know, and she wouldn’t stand in the way of wisdom.

The spirit in her calmed her, reassured her I would be all right, but she still felt uneasy. Cullen didn’t deserve to have this thrust upon him, and she kindly asked the remaining spirits to take their leave for now. She needed time to think and she’d rather not do that with an audience. They only left after she’d promised she’d keep them updated on everything going on. 

“Maybe the time for the ritual is before us?” She asked her spirit companion. “I don’t want you to get hurt in my fight against the dark forces of this war. You can feel it too, yes?” Her companion agreed, and together they prepared the ritual to separate their two essences. “I know I’m not ready for this, since I still have many years of training ahead, but…” Her spirit companion only laughed and told her to get on with it already. It was time.

***

It felt weird walking up to the breach a second time, without her companion spirit to guide her this time, but she kept her cool and stood her ground. She was clad in a deep green linen dress and nothing else, having discarded her cloak and hood back at Haven. This was too important for petty issues, such as her looks or confidence. The fate of the world lay before her and she would face it with her head held high. There was no point in hiding herself anymore, since most people in Thedas seemed to know who she was anyway. She still got a lot of stares and quiet whispers aimed at her, but she could ignore those for now.

Standing under the green light from the breach she could her that song again, not as strong as with her spirit companion present, but still clear enough to get lost in it. It sounded as amazing as it had before, and once again she felt reluctant to close it. The fade was almost close enough to touch and she reached out with her hand but couldn’t reach. Solas saw her actions and wrinkled his brows at her, but she only looked up at the breach with a strange longing. To explore the other side, to feel all those sounds around her, it would be amazing. 

With a sigh she closed the breach with the mages help, but this time she was still standing when it was all over. She felt strong and confident, and even though she wanted to know the fade she knew she’d done the right thing. For the first time in her life she’d done something bigger than herself, bigger than her hold, and it felt amazing. Her looks, her scars, her curse, her bad luck, didn’t matter in this moment and she smiled over at Solas. The other mage nodded his head in congratulations and together they all went down the mountain.

Time to celebrate, or something like it.

***

“… she took him to his bed and that was the last anyone ever saw of him.” She finished and Varric looked intrigued. It was fun to watch him try to figure it out, his mind twisting and turning.

She and Varric was only just finishing up their last session of “who’s got the better story”, with a beer in hand and curious people listening, when they heard the alarm. The spirits who had crept closer to listen to them cried out in alarm and then disappeared. This made her more worried than anything else could have, and she quickly ran to her room to grab her gear. She pulled on her black cloak and hood, and belted it properly, before she grabbed her staff and was off towards the gate.

They were all waiting for her, but she didn’t hear or see them. There was something moving towards them, and then a knock at the gate. She quickly opened the doors before anyone could say anything, and then everything went to hell. The darkness coming over the mountainside threatened to drown out everything good and pure in the world, and she gasped as her head started pounding. It felt like someone was taking a sledgehammer to the inside of her skull, and with pure willpower alone she looked over at Cullen.

“Cullen! Give me a plan! Anything!”

“Haven is no fortress…” Cullen continued talking, but all she could hear was a song very much like the one from the fade but corrupted, flawed, detached. 

It was all she could hear for a long time, her head pounding and her ears ringing, and then she was running for her life to get away from the snow about to bury Haven. The song only stopped when a beam knocked her unconscious temporarily. When she woke up only minutes later she couldn’t move, and it was only thanks to her weak magic that she could reset the cracked ribs and her busted knee. If not, she would have been stuck in this cave for a long time just to heal. Time she knew she didn’t have since her companions were moving further and further away from Haven. With a curse in the Avvar tongue she rose to her feet by pure stubbornness alone. 

It was freezing cold, and for a moment she didn’t think she would make it. The pain and lack of focus made her stumble through the snow without direction. She was following an instinct to get there, to survive, and she let that feeling guide her. The more she let that feeling take her the easier her struggles became and after a while she noticed her gods’ presence close by. They were lifting her with the wind at her back, and the snow freezing under her feet, and with a silent thank you she let them guide her. Her trust in them had never been misused before and she wasn’t about to question them now when she needed them the most.

She got an impression of golden hair and kind eyes, and she just knew the spirits were leading her towards that. Apparently, the gods had decided to play matchmaker, not that she minded… but it was a bit odd. There might be genuine interest on her part for the kind-hearted ex-Templar with too many burdens on his shoulders… but, was it a good idea? The spirits seemed to think so as they carried her even faster towards the Commander with smiles all around. It lifted her heart and chased away the cold, and when she arrived at camp she was no worse for wear. Her ribs and knee might ache, but she could ignore that as she saw Cullen’s relieved face greet her. 

Totally worth the trek just to see that, she thought, and the spirits happily agreed with her.

The End


End file.
